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MINE MILKSHAKE BRINGETH ALL YON GENTLEFOLK TO MINE YARD
AND LO THEY REPLY " 'TIS BETTER THAN THINE...
"VERILY, 'TIS BETTER THAN THINE!"
I COULD APPRENTICE THEE, BUT I WOULDST LEVY A FEE

I AM THE BEST QUEEN OF ENGLAND EVER AND I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE GIVE ME PRESSIES. I LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CASTLE, BECAUSE I'M THE QUEEN, AND I DO THINGS LIKE BLOWING THOSE SPANISH BASTARDS OUT OF THE WATER, MAKING MEN THINK I'M GOING TO MARRY THEM, ORDERING PEOPLE'S HEADS TO BE CUT OFF, AND VISITING MY COUSIN OCCASIONALLY IN HER LITTLE CELL IN THE TOWER OF LONDON. SHE THINKS SHE SHOULD HAVE MY JOB. HA. SCOTTISH-FRENCH WHORE. NO ONE LIKE HER WILL EVER RULE ENGLAND. NOT HER, NOT HER NASTY HUSBANDS, NOT ANY DEMON SPAWN SHE HAS PRODUCED OR IS YET TO PRODUCE...NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ME.

ANYHOO, I LOVE... PRESSIES, BLACKADDER (BUT IT'S A SECRET! DON'T TELL HIM!), ORANGE ELEPHANTS, FANCY DRESS PARTIES, MY DADDY EVEN THOUGH HE KILLED MY MUMMY, MY PRETTY NOSE, AND BEING THE BEST QUEEN EVAR!

I HATE... INSOLENT PEOPLE, WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY EXECUTE THE WRONG PERSON, WHEN BLACKADDER PRETENDS HE'S GOING TO MARRY SOME LITTLE TWIT WHO USED TO BE A BOY, PEOPLE WHO SAY THEIR NOSES ARE PRETTIER THAN MINE, WHEN I MISPLACE MY SCEPTRE, WHEN NURSIE TELLS EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT ME, WHEN NURSIE SAYS STRANGE TMI THINGS ABOUT HERSELF, WHEN SPAIN WON'T GET OFF MY DAMN ASS...WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM??...WHEN FUGLY MEN PROPOSE TO ME, WHEN I ACTUALLY FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SOMEONE'S HEAD BEING CUT OFF.


HERE I AM WITH MY LOYAL SUBJECTS. IDK HOW THAT SCRUFFY DOG GOT IN THERE. I THINK HE BELONGS TO BLACKADDER. BLACKADDER CALLS HIM "BALDRICK."

UNDENIABLYNIKKI IS A VERY LOYAL HANDMAIDEN TO ME.

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